b o t t o m l a n d

more mother's day musings

The true story of Mother's Day precedes Hallmark cards and flower delivery services.  It originated as a day of mothers gathering to demand peace in the face of the carnage of the Civil War, and Julia Ward Howe's original proclamation and rallying cry reads as all too pertinent to our current global situation.  Of course, a day to celebrate our mothers and our mothering selves is great, but our culture is all too quick to trade action for consumption.  As mothers it is our sons and daughters (and husbands and selves) who are turned into killers by the machine of war.  As mothers it is another woman's child being killed by our own.  As mothers we hold the power of human life in our bodies, and we hold the moral authority to declare that all of life is sacred.  If we hold our tongues, who will speak for peace?  If we are so easily silenced by the command from on high to consume as usual, who will show the moral fiber to name this madness for what it is? 

A great short essay describing the evolution of Mother's Day is here, written by a UC Davis prof, and below is a poster from my very favorite artist Nikki McClure, which can be purchased here.   Also, many awesome women's peace organizations exist today, such as Code Pink and Mothers Acting Up.  Check it out, and let's think together about what kind of values we want to instill in our children, and what kind of world we are creating for them.

Mother's Day Proclamation - 1870
by Julia Ward Howe

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today I remember not only my personal transformation as a mother, but especially my own mother, Cindy, and my grandmothers, Sylvia and Emma, who are/were wonderful examples of fun, compassionate, spunky mothers in their own right.  I celebrate you all!  Thank you for your guidance and inspiration!

And thank you as well to all my mama friends who have provided me so much support and inspiration.  I have survived many dark moments on the strength of the mothering bond that stretches all around me, touching all the mothers I know and love, and behind me through all of time. Special thanks to my dear women friends who surrounded me with your love and blessing when Little C was born so painfully early.  My Mother Blessing is one of my fondest memories, and I've been thinking lately of the hymn we sang together that August day nearly three years ago.  It reminds me that God is our Great Mother (as well as our Father) and that the nurturing we pass on to our children does not find it's source only in us, but in our Creator as well:

Mothering God, You gave me birth
in the bright morning of this world.
Creator, source of every breath,
You are my rain, my wind, my sun.

Mothering Christ, You took my form,
offering me Your food of light,
grain of life, and grape of love,
Your very body for my peace.

Mothering Spirit, nurturing one,
in arms of patience hold me close,
so that in faith I root and grow
until I flower, until I know.

Special thanks to my mother-in-law, Melinda, for introducing me to this hymn and for being a great mom to my husband and a friend to me!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

mothering montage

What an amazing adventure this motherhood thing is!  It has been such a journey of discovery--humbling, terrifying, exhilarating, joyful and above all wondrous!   

Thank you, Little C, for teaching me how to be your mother, and for being patient with me when I don't always do what is best.  Being your mother is one of the greatest honors of my life.  You are a delight!

 

addendum...

I wanted to clarify that my ire regarding maternity care in this country is not directed at individuals struggling to make sense of their choices, but at the system that does not provide women with an opportunity for informed consent.  I hope my post would never make any individual woman feel bad about her birth experience, but that we would be able to respond as a community to this health-care crisis.  However, I do strongly reject the posture of "I'm okay, you're okay, we're all okay."  No!  Not all birth "choices" are equal.  There IS something wrong with birth in America and we need to re-evaluate our cultural practices and ask if they truly serve women and children.  I heard a woman on NPR say this morning, "there is a world of difference between responsibility and blame."  Yes!  We have both personal responsibility and communal responsibility.  We need to support one another as we struggle to make healthy birth and parenting choices, and comfort one another when our birth stories bring grief.  Love leaves no room for blame.

Note on the picture:  One of my old favorites of when Little C was about 6 months old.

the business of being born

I just watched the powerful movie, The Business of Being Born.  If you have not had the opportunity to see it yet, I highly recommend it to any adult who cares about the process of birth in this country.  (You can get it from Netflix, or you can ask your local library to order it! Nudge, nudge!)  Regular readers of this blog and those who know me personally will know that normal birth is a passion of mine!  This is such an important topic and a timely movie, as the c-section rates in America have risen 400% in some places over the last fifteen years, spiraling out of control to levels of 45% or more of births in some urban hospitals.  I cannot state this strongly enough: this is a crisis of health-care in our supposedly "developed" country.  C-sections are major abdominal surgery and pose much greater risks for the health of the mother and baby.  Yes, they are medically necessary sometimes, (in my calmer moments, I like to think that mine saved Clara's life) but there is no accounting for the rate they've reached in this country.  Actually, our maternal and infant mortality rates are among the worst in the industrialized world. In a UN study of 171 countries, the US ranked 41st on maternal mortality rates, far behind our global peers in Europe and Japan, and below developing countries such as South Korea (1).  According to an article published on CNN.com, highlighting a study by Save the Children researchers, the US has an infant death rate second only to Latvia in the industrialized world.  Incidentally, one of the key differences between America's birthing industry and the birthing practices of the rest of the world is midwife attendance.  Midwives attend upwards of 70% of births in Japan and many European countries in stark contrast to less than 8% in America. When midwives attend births, the levels of c-sections and other medical interventions decrease accordingly.

Bewilderingly, TIME magazine just published a chilling article on the popularity of elective c-sections among "choosy moms."  (I'm linking to this article, even though it is full of misinformation and flat out contradictions to well-documented medical facts.  PLEASE educate yourself about the reality of the situation before reading an article like this and believing it!)  This is a sickness in our country, that we would choose the "convenience" of an elective cesarean and subsequent tummy tuck over the potential health risks to our children and ourselves.  Vaginal birth provides a variety of documented health and safety benefits to our babies, ones that should only be overlooked for the option of cesarean only in the most extreme of circumstances.  A woman is five to seven times more likely to die from a cesarean delivery than from a vaginal delivery.  This should not be taken lightly to accommodate the schedules of mothers or doctors.

But the issue of c-sections aside, even "standard" medical interventions such as the use of pitocin and epidurals come with a host of risks (read this excellent article to find out more details). The unfortunate reality is that we have created a system in this country where one medical intervention leads to another.  Often, just showing up at a hospital to birth your baby is cause enough to start the chain of interventions.  If labor isn't "progressing" according to the desires of the doctors or hospital protocol (this does vary among practitioners and hospitals, so it's a good question to ask when choosing a birthing location) then pitocin is administered to speed up contractions.  Unfortunately, pitocin generally causes very intense and painful contractions, that frequently don't let up the way natural contractions do.  Withstanding the pain of pitocin-induced contractions without pain meds is a feat indeed (yeah, Brook!) but most women understandably then ask for an epidural, which numbs the pain, but incidentally slows down labor, often leading to the need to up the pitocin levels, or, if labor is really stalled, an "emergency" c-section.  What a sad cycle!

The saddest part of it all is that birth is an inherently empowering, life-changing experience for women, and this is being handed over to the "experts."  When did a woman's body cease to be the expert on birthing her own baby?  What is the price we are willing to pay for this "expertise"?  Where is the feminist outrage that we are being "manhandled" by the powerful medical lobby?  Of course, it isn't all doom and gloom.  Women all across our country are choosing to birth their own way, be it in the comfort and safety of their own homes, in a free-standing birth center, or bravely birthing mindfully in a hospital setting.  Many smaller hospitals are more birth-friendly, such as the incredible hospital where Clara was supposed to be born and where my nephew(!) will be born this summer.  Many hospitals are developing homey birthing centers where you can be attended by a Certified Nurse Midwife, rather than an OB.  (A woman interviewed in The Business of Being Born points out that Obstetricians are trained as surgeons and specialists in childbirth pathology or illness, and receive little to no education in healthy, normal births.  It is wonderful to have an Obstetrician on hand to handle emergencies, but there is no reason that they should be attending normal births!)  Birth can be an exhilarating experience for the mother, that leaves her feeling powerful and charged with the brain chemicals and hormones that are only released through a vaginal birth.  These chemicals and hormones provide her with a strong sense of love and protection for her child, and give her an adrenaline rush that gives her the strength to keep going after the exhausting birth experience.  Being medicated out of this experience should not be done casually or routinely.  I love the picture below and the look of pure ecstasy and wonder on the mother's face.  When I think about my own traumatic birth experience, pictures like this make me cry!   Oh, what a miracle birth is, medical or not!  But there is a unique magic to normal birth that is not replicated through medical intervention...

So, that was my long explanation of why you should check out the challenging, inspiring, moving and funny new film, The Business of Being Born.  As the tag line says, you'll never look at birth the same way again!  Take a look at the trailer, below:

My little pagan pixie...

Little C must be subliminally picking up on all the thinking I've been doing on gender and God-image.  Last night we watched the full moon rise from the window above our bed (through the screen, I might add!!!) and we sang the "Lady Moon" song:

Lady Moon, Lady Moon
Sailing so high...
Drop down to Little C
From out of the sky!

Little C, Little C
I cannot come...
I hear you calling,
I hear you calling
But I cannot come.

After settling down into bed, we closed our eyes and began the blessing prayer that we say with Little C every night:  May the Creator God bless you and keep you; may She make her face to shine above you; may she lift up her countenance above you and give you peace.  Little C stopped be before getting more than the first few words out and said, "No!  Not Creator God!  Lady Moon God!"  So we prayed to Lady Moon God, and then Little C drifted off to sleep peacefully...

(I don't have any appropriate Lady Moon pictures, so I'm including some of my recent favorites!)

Au Naturale

NOTE:  I'm not sure what prompted Little C to remove her shirt while working in her kitchen the other day.  I swear I don't usually do such things when I'm cooking!

I mentioned Little C's kitchen in my last post, and thought I'd share these pictures.  Our kitchen is from Elves and Angels, a small, family-owned company in Maine who sells through Nova Natural Toys and Crafts, a Vermont-based company.  Having a beautiful, handmade piece of furniture in our kitchen is a delight.  Warm wood and careful attention to detail says quality, which I like.  Little C LOVES it, and not a day goes by without her cooking up some treat in it.  A favorite right now is "broccoli soup"-- ironic, since she's no fan of real broccoli! 

While simple, natural toys (wood, clay, wool, cotton, etc.) are usually more expensive to buy, they are also usually more versatile and open-ended, letting Little C's imagination do the work.  We have found that that we need only a few toys, because Little C enjoys them in different ways and will continue to do so as she gets older.  This allows us to invest in a few things of high quality that will last. 

For Papa D and I, one of the most compelling reasons for investing in quality natural toys is aesthetic.  We try to expose Little C to that which is "good, beautiful and true" (as Rudolf Steiner would say).  Beauty nourishes our soul and feeds our sense of creativity.  Furthermore, keeping our living space simple and free of clutter is essential for our sanity.  I can't live in a space with tons of blinking, "music"-making plastic toys.  Some people can...  I can't.  I love the warmth and liveliness of toys made from natural materials--it's as though they still have that spark of life in them. 

As I touched on in my last post, the materialism and consumerism of our culture is not something that I have much tolerance for.  I refuse to raise a child who thinks she "needs" the latest this or that.  She is quite happy with a few simple things.  The basket of pine cones collected from the front yard in the fall has provided an abundance of inspiration!  So much of what is thrust at families as "necessary" is unhealthy for the environment and for the values that we try to live by.  As Christians, Papa D and I try to practice simplicity and stewardship that informs (and hopefully transforms) the way we spend our money.  Though we're not always mindful of it, we try not to spend money on things that are dangerous to the creation and to Little C's health, and provide no spiritual or emotional nourishment.  Plastics are made from petroleum, and most plastic toys sold in America are made in China.  It was a big news story in the fall that many items made in China are contaminated with lead, but the larger story is that most plastics leech harmful chemicals into the air, the water, our children's saliva (when they suck on them) and their skin.

Here are some websites that have information on protecting your child from the toxins that are found in many toys, and an article about keeping things simple at gift-giving times.  I will be posting some of my favorite sources for natural toys in the sidebar soon, so keep an eye out for that!  And again, happy playing!

HealthyToys.org  This website specifically covers toxins in toys.

Non-Toxic Kids  This is a blog by a mom who was concerned about the high levels of toxins her kids were being exposed to from many sources: toys, sippy-cups, body care products, diapers, clothing, beds and bedding, etc.  There is an index on the right side if you scroll down a bit that serves as a useful guide to the vast array of info on her site.

Toxic Toy Story, an article from Mothering.com.  It's old, but still sadly pertinent.  Much of the health issues discussed here are still relevant.

Junk Toys, an article from Mothering.com about giving toys that nurture creativity and imagination, and how to sensitively deal with family members and friends who may not sure your gift-giving values.

The revolution will not be televised!

 

NOTE:  Lest this post make our family life sound like The Sound of Music, let me start with the disclaimer that we all have our moments of frustration, breakdown, and utter chaos.  Just because I don't have a TV doesn't mean that I don't occasionally wish to place Little C in front of one so that I can have a few moments of peace!

The library where I work subscribes to many magazines, Parents being one of them.  I was flipping through a recent issue the other day, and I was so struck by how different my home looks from the pictures in the magazine, and how little I connect to the issues presented on it's pages.  From expensive strollers to fancy nursery sets, from ads for foods with no nutritional value to ads for "educational" movies and video games, from articles on "how to plan the perfect first playdate!" (I thought the point of "play" is that it isn't planned...), to which products will make your life easier...  I'm just not that into it all.  I don't want to be told to buy all that crap, and I certainly don't want my child being raised in a home that is full of cheaply-made junk that was made by exploited workers in a third-world country and is hazardous to her health and the environment!  Okay, so that was a mouthful of a sentence, but believe it or not, I'm kind of passionate about this stuff!  Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia, eloquently reminds us (emphasis mine) that:

In America today, children are identified as consumers from birth on. They are targeted for increasingly sophisticated marketing campaigns and sold soda, candy, and video games that are designed to make money, not to produce healthy, wholesome, and emotionally sturdy children.

The consumerism surrounding childhood quite frankly makes me sick!  It also makes me very, very careful about what I expose Little C to.

To start, we don't have a TV.  That right there hugely limits the unhealthy messages that she might be exposed to otherwise, and also makes us certifiable wierdos.  A 1999 study by Nielson Media Research concluded that children spend an average of 6 1/2 hours a day in front of a screen, watching movies, television and playing video and computer games.  How do kids have time for so much TV?  Little C has watched a couple of cartoon videos that we borrowed from a neighbor when Papa D was laid up with a sprained ankle and dislocated shoulder, but other than that she doesn't even watch movies.  She's too busy playing!  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO screen time before age two, advising pediatricians to "encourage more interactive activities that will promote proper brain development, such as talking, playing, singing, and reading together."  The AAP policy on media includes the following:

Children and adolescents are particularly vulnerable to the messages conveyed through television, which influence their perceptions and behaviors. Many younger children cannot discriminate between what they see and what is real. Research has shown primary negative health effects on violence and aggressive behavior; sexuality; academic performance; body concept and self-image; nutrition, dieting, and obesity; and substance use and abuse patterns...  Time spent with various media may displace other more active and meaningful pursuits, such as reading, exercising, or playing with friends.

I'm not here to argue the evils of television and movies.  I know they can be used responsibly, and I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad.  I don't think that watching 30 minutes of Sesame Street each morning is going to turn anyone's brain to mush.  But I am concerned with the blithe acceptance of my mommy peers of the TV-as-babysitter model.  (This quote comes from an article on Parents.com)

[T]he reality is that TV is what parents use to sleep in on Saturday morning, read the paper, and get dinner on the table. Adults are as reliant on TV for its babysitting features as kids are for its entertainment value...  In other words, two shows a day sounds like a worthwhile goal, but not always workable. Says Margrit Freundlich of Montclair, New Jersey, "I'm not going to get in a twist if my boys watch more than an hour on a given day. The other day my 3-year-old woke up at 5:30 in the morning. My choice was to get up and read books with him or plunk him in front of a video. It wasn't a hard decision."

I'd like to suggest that TV is not the only way to get things done around the house.  The most effective tool I use is to include Little C in the work I do, though I also actively encourage her to play by herself, which, at 2 1/2, she is quite capable of doing.  The concern I have with the TV as substitute for adult attention or free play is, WHAT IS THE COST?  Yes, it's convenient in the moment, but what messages are we sending our kids, or, worse, what messages are they getting via the media?

The average American child today is exposed to an estimated 40,000 television commercials a year — over 100 a day.  But the pitches don’t stop when the commercial breaks end. Ads bleed into the shows themselves via product placements, which also seep into movies, video games, even children’s books. Licensing has become big business. Movies and children’s shows spin off toys based on popular characters and cross promote with fast-food chains in an effort to ensure that all forms of entertainment are tied up neatly in a coordinated commercial package.

Unfortunately, according to the American Psychological Association, children under the age of eight are  "unable to critically comprehend televised advertising messages and are prone to accept advertiser messages as truthful, accurate and unbiased."  As if that isn't bad enough, advertising messages aren't the only things kids get from watching TV.  The APA also reported over a decade ago that the average child will have witnessed over 8,000 murders and over 100,000 other acts of violence on television by the end of elementary school. 

(Okay, okay, its now nearly midnight and I can feel myself slipping over the edge into nonsensical chatter about corporate conspiracy and the loss of innocence...  I can feel a tightening in my chest...  Let it go, Caren, let it go...)

I WILL close now, really I will, but I have to conclude on the positive note that our family life is not about depriving Little C from something, but about making different choices and doing other things that bring us so much delight.  We love to sing together, and we read a ton of books.  We spend a lot of time preparing food (healthy food takes a long time to prepare, so I try to see it as fun family time rather than "work") and doing daily chores like the dishes, sweeping and laundry.  Little C is an expert at folding laundry, let me tell you!  We play outside in nearly any weather, and go for lots of walks to the post office or in the woods.  We do tons of painting and drawing, and I'm trying to get more creative about other crafty things to do with her.  The most helpful toy in the house is her lovely wooden play kitchen that is set up in the kitchen.  That's where she "works" while I make dinner, if she isn't directly "helping" me.  So, yes, folks, it is possible to live without a TV, and I'd like to argue that it's more fun!

RESOURCES:

Check out the Center for the New American Dream and their Kids & Commercialism section!  The Center's vision statement says:  The Center for a New American Dream helps Americans consume responsibly to protect the environment, enhance quality of life, and promote social justice.  I say woohoo! :)

Also, the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood is doing really important work and has great info on their website!

And Mothering Magazine's website has a whole section on childhood and commercialism with a number of articles on the subject.

Happy playing!

birth

I am delighted to announce the arrival into the world of a new little girl, Georgia.  Our dear friends Esther and Nate welcomed their daughter at 7:32 yesterday evening.  She was caught by her aunt, an aspiring midwife, and was born at home after a challenging but healthy labor.  Esther is the first of my good friends to choose a home birth, and I am delighted that she had such a positive experience.  Home is, for many women, the place they feel most comfortable laboring and giving birth, and the numbers show it to be a very safe choice as well.  Many home births are accompanied by shorter labors, lower cesarean rates, and, of course, lower medical intervention all together.  Women's bodies are uniquely designed to birth babies quite naturally, and most of the time it is safer for both the mother and the baby to do so without medical intervention.  Sadly, birth has become something to fear in many Western cultures, and fear is profoundly counterproductive for healthy birth.

It is impossible for me to think about or talk about normal birth without thinking of my own Little C's violent arrival into the world at a mere 32 weeks (40 being a normal gestation).  Some details of her birth are here (start at the bottom of the page and scroll up).  While I will always be grateful for the miracles of modern medicine and the competent staff that cared for my daughter and I, I will also always mourn the fact that C's arrival was so traumatic for both she and I.  Nothing can prepare a mother for the forcible extraction of a cesarean section, no matter how medically necessary it is, nor for the pain of being separated from her child.  This is not how birth is supposed to be, and while it is medically necessary sometimes, we should all be outraged at the rate c-sections occur, and how frequently they are less than necessary. 

It calms my spirit to know that so many friends have had wonderfully normal, joyful births, and that's the story that really needs to be told.  Birth is powerful, exhilarating, life-giving, joyful, challenging in the best possible way.  It's hard work, but it's the best work there is.  All you birthin' women out there, you're my heroes!

A new skill...

We had a little work day on Monday.  Mama worked on writing letters and thank-you notes while Little C showed off her new skill: drawing faces!  Yes, representational art has emerged in our household!  I am shocked at it's sudden arrival!  We have always tried to encourage her to draw and paint freely, with the joy being not in a specific image, but in the experience of color.  I tried to avoid asking her "What's your picture about?" and instead have focused on commenting on the colors she uses.  And yet, here we are!  "Mama, I drew a picture of me!"  Mama's jaw hit the table...

Coming out of the (nursing) closet

This weekend we were hanging out with a great crew of mostly single and entirely childless folks, and the conversation turned to parenting.  A few people were curious about how long I plan to nurse Little C who is probably the biggest nursling most of these folks had ever seen, being that she's 2 1/2.  I talked about my goal of nursing until age two, as the World Health Organization recommends, and that now Little C and I are in the gray area of seeing how things go as each of us adjust to one another's needs.  She only nurses a few times a day, which I'm more than happy to accommodate at this point (I love the excuse to curl up in a comfy chair with my little girl and a good book!)  But there are times when she asks to nurse, such as in the line at the grocery store, when I don't feel as comfortable saying "yes."  I am a huge proponent of nursing in public: nursing is a basic human need and until mothers can meet their child's need anywhere, our society will remain a hostile environment for both women and children.  Now that I'm nursing a toddler, however, things get a little dicier.  If I'm hustling her through the grocery store, rushing to get things done on my schedule, she's likely to ask to nurse if she can get me to stand still for a moment.  For Little C nursing is an important way to reconnect with me and to decompress from an over-stimulating environment.  However, the person standing in line behind me may not see things that way.  Our over-sexualized American culture sees breastfeeding at any age as offensive and something only to be done in private.  Extended breastfeeding is more than just weird--to some it might even border on child abuse!

I'm not going to launch into all the research that supports extended breastfeeding, though I will say that it's out there!  Mothering magazine recently had a wonderful article about all the benefits (for both mother and child) of nursing your toddler, from physical, emotional, intellectual and health benefits to more immeasurable but no less important perks like having the ability to calm a temper tantrum in a moment or convince a wound-up toddler to take a nap.

"[There is no] documented time beyond which continued breastfeeding is harmful, useless, or detrimental," states Linda Smith, an internationally known lactation consultant, childbirth educator, and author of several breastfeeding textbooks. "There is no evidence that curtailing breastfeeding before the child self-weans is an advantage to the child. "

So here we are, my singing, counting, running, imagining toddler and I.  I never really imagined nursing for this long, but I feel no urgency to stop.  I know for me, part of my reluctance to wean her prematurely is the lingering trauma of Little C's birth and early weeks.  I worked so hard, harder than I've ever worked in my life, to haul my c-sectioned body out of bed every two hours so that I could hook my shocked breasts up to a pump that forcibly extracted my precious milk for my babe, who lay somewhere across a sea of cars and concrete in her own little cocoon of plastic and florescent lights.  Those early weeks were so nightmarish, and her tiny body worked so hard, too.  Born at only 32 weeks gestational age, she was not able to coordinate sucking, swallowing and breathing, so nursing was actually a medical impossibility for a few weeks, though she tried diligently from the first time I held her the day after she was born.  When she and I finally did figure out how to make nursing work, it was such a relief for both of us.  I have no desire to force her unwillingly to discontinue something that we both worked so hard for.

So the answer to the question of how long I will nurse Little C is, I really don't know.  She and I have made it this far by trusting one another and working together, and I imagine that's how we'll work out this weaning thing.  If I got to a point where I was really resenting nursing I would be more pro-active about ending it, but in the mean time, I'm glad to let her take the lead in this area.  The most profound thing I've learned on this parenting journey is that it is rarely an either/or choice of whose needs get met.  Overwhelmingly, the best choice for Little C is also the best choice for me (and Papa D too!)