What does it mean to be home?
We are in the process of trying to close on our precious house that we have been living in for the last 2 years under the terms of a "lease/purchase" arrangement. (Basically, we signed the Purchase & Sales agreement 2 summers ago, but because Dave is self-employed and I am part time, we needed more time to secure financing.) Over the last two years we have worked really hard to meet the financial markers that were laid out for us and improve our credit and such, in addition to putting a lot of time and money into improving our home and property. It feels good to know that we have held up our end of the bargain. As we approach the closing, however, we are running into a snag that we have absolutely no control over. The housing market has taken a serious down turn, and our house is no longer worth the amount that we agreed to pay our seller. Two weeks ago our house was appraised, and even though we worked really hard to make it look as pretty as possible, the figure came back low. Now we are back to the drawing board wondering if the seller will be willing to renegotiate at a lower selling price.
As I am faced with the possibility that we might need to relocate, rather than die in this little slice of heaven, I have been repeatedly reminded of the reality that unless I am home within myself, I will never be home anywhere. This is a lesson that I've been learning over the last few years, but it is far from "learned." I have a long way to go before really being at home with myself, but it feels like a good journey to be on.
A lot of important growth and healing has happened while we have lived here, and, in the mysterious Way of Grace, that makes it easier to think about the possibility of moving on. The deep shelter that we have found here has led to a new-found freedom for both Dave and I. We love this place more than ever but need it less than we did when we arrived.
So here are some shots of our house looking it's best! Enjoy, and think of us in the next few days with prayers for peace and guidance.
Our guest room and study, where I sit and blog, among other things.
Little C's play kitchen and table, alongside our dinning room table.
The everything room.
The kitchen and door out to the barn.
Even the playroom/mudroom was somewhat neat! (Thanks Mom!)
Our cozy nest.
The day couldn't have been more beautiful.