I wish I could show you
when you are lonely or in darkness
the astonishing light of
your own being.
I am a regular reader of Erin’s blog over at bluebirdbaby, and she’s been on an amazing journey the past number of months (which she so beautifully chronicled here) of healing, faith and self discovery. Her posts of self-portraits paired with quotes from Hafiz and Rumi are simply gorgeous and very inspiring to me. She is a powerful example of a woman trying to reckon not only with her shadows, but with her light.
I have been wondering what a difference such a journey might make in my own life. What might it look like if I woke each morning bathed in gratitude for myself and my life instead of the litany of negative self-talk that I seem to be addicted to? I listened to this weekend’s Speaking of Faith episode the other day (which was amazing--you should all listen!) and Seane Corn, a yoga teacher and proponent of what she calls “body prayer,” was speaking about the way our bodies hold tension and myriad negative emotions. She was explaining how our minds have ways of rationalizing away things that hurt, anger or dismay us but our bodies must actually process those feelings physically. What a staggering thought, and yet it make so much sense and resonates with my own experience. We all know that stress or depression can make us physically sick, and yet, as Seane Corn bluntly stated, we seem to all be “addicted to our tension.” I know I’m not the only one with this particular radio station playing in my head that tells me I’m not good enough, or pretty enough, or somehow “worthy” of reaching for my dreams (Anne Lamott aptly calls this radio station “KFKD”) but something is stopping me from flipping the switch on it. Somehow it does feel easier to just keep slogging through it all rather than bucking off this crap and refusing to be bound by it. But not moving forward comes at a terrible price...
Anyway, I’m not trying to be whiny, I’m just trying to sort this all out. I’m trying to figure out how to get out of my own way and get on with my life! And it seems like acknowledging the “light of my own being” might be a good place to start.
This photo isn’t very clear, but it’s the best I could do with my point-and-shoot camera. September’s full moon is called the Harvest Moon, and when I finally finished painting the bathroom last night at 11:45, I was drawn outside into the absolute stillness and shimmering silver light. Breathe in. Breath out. Life is a gift.